There are times when you want to walk by yourself.
That day God is trying to say: "Please wait a little bit longer, something great is on its way."
But somehow, you just don't believe it.
All around you is filled with negativity.
Your future is blurry and uncertain.
Your heart turns restless and chaotic.
"Something great is happening? How can it be? Can't you see I'm surrounded with disasters?", your heart yells.
You feel alone.
And nothing is worth it anymore.
You're just really.. really.. tired.
I've been through this phase lots and lots of time.
Despair and anxiety sort of becoming my friends.
Crying at night was my favorite thing to do.
Things have changed though.
I have found a new source of strength.
The positive vibe that will always pick me up when I'm down.
When I feel like there's nothing else I could do.
When I'm becoming hopeless.
I always ended up praying.
Just like what Sam Smith said in his song, Pray:
"There's dread in my heart and fear in my bones.
And I just don't know what to say.
Maybe I'll pray."
"Everyone prays in the end."
Do you know what happened after I finished praying?
Suddenly, I feel slightly better.
I feel like I've poured out my soul the best I can.
Suddenly, I feel that there's still hope.
We know that there are things that we, as human beings, can't handle by ourselves.
We then naturally seek this supernatural power who are greater than us.
Some might call it the universe, some might call it the nature.
I call it my Father in Heaven, my God who loves me, because I'm His daughter.
He's the one who knows me better than my own self.
He's the one who will protect me from anything bad.
He's the one who loves me so much.
He's the one who has planned everything to be perfect for me.
But sometimes, my ego would win.
I would think that I knew what's best for me.
"His plans are too slow, I know how to get it faster," so said my selfish heart.
I thought I was smarter than God.
That's the time when God would prove how wrong I was.
My plans came crumbling down.
Everything turned to disaster once again.
I was back in despair with broken heart.
I came back in prayer and offered up my broken heart.
Then God simply reminded me again to have faith in His plans.
Our plans might look better, faster, and everything, because we think that's what we want.
But His plans are simply what we actually want and need.
---
Yes.
He has planned everything beautifully for each one of us.
No.
He doesn't push us to follow His plans.
If we follow His plans.
Everything might look impossible.
But everything will always be possible at the end.
If we don't follow His plans.
He still loves us anyway.
He will patiently wait for us to open up our hearts to His plans,
because He knows His plans are what we truly need.
It's really up to us.
Since He has already given us one of the most beautiful gifts ever, free will.
He wants to have children who will do anything for Him, because they do love Him.
Not robots who will follow all the instructions, but do not have any love or even any feelings in their hearts.
What are you going to do?
